God help us

John Boehner is stepping up his attacks against Planned Parenthood, which offers several health care services to low-income women.  Though no tax payer dollars are used for abortions, he wants to make extra sure by stripping away all government funding. Apparently, his religion tells him abortion is evil and we all know that mixing church and state is cocktail recipe for reason and good decision making.

But heck, if the eggs are already cracked, why not make a good omelet out of it? Ya dig? So here are some more heathen institutions I think we should defund as well.

1. Public Schools: Did you know they teach that cockamamy evolution theory in those dens of sin? Well, not only are they filing our childrens’ minds with that fearful book learnin’, but they’re also teaching them about condoms and birth control! Those godless fools should know the only form of contraception is abstinence! Abstinence! (U.S. states whose residents have more conservative religious beliefs on average tend to have higher rates of teenagers giving birth…but whatevs, more little ones for the flock)

2. Department of Corrections: Why spend money punishing criminals now when we all know that they’ll have to respond to a higher authority?

3.PBS: Bert and Ernie sleep in the same bed?  Grover once learned how to practice civil disobedience? Oscar is homeless and still accepted in society? WTF.  Sesame Street promotes tolerance, equality and inclusiveness. Not okay with me, Jose, everyone needs to be just like me and believe what I believe. (Though children who watch Sesame Street do statistically better in school then those who do not, they’re probably going to be gay)

4. Center for Disease Control: Prayer is the best medicine.

5. Libraries We only need one book and I think we all know what it is. More books are just going to give people more ideas. Ideas will only get them thinking and reasoning. Libraries have been known to carry books by such godless pagans like Judy Blume, Lois Lowry and J.K. Rowling. And do we want our children exposed to works of fiction meant to impose a set of morals and guidelines on how to live decently? NO. Well…

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